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Jenny Calendar

[	userinfo	\|	livejournal userinfo	]
[	archive	\|	journal archive	]

I want to be...

[Jul. 24th, 2003|11:55 pm]

[	Feelings, whoa whoa whoa:	\|	happy	]
[	Current Music	\|	Dido- Hunter	]

I've come so far since I first started keeping this journal. I know that now, see it, through all the ordeals, the pain, the stuff that was left over from death that I had to work through to achieve the true feeling of being in Heaven. Most people just let go- I never could. Past tense there, cause I finally have. I've worked through the pain, spanked the "inner moppet" as Cordelia would have said. I've watched my Rupert move on, Buffy become a fine woman, Willow a powerful witch, all from this cloud. Xander has impressed me the most, in many ways, such a gawky, unsure boy- I'm proud of all of them.

And now it's my turn to finally finish this moving on process. Too much pain, and ick, and I'm ready to just be happy. So I'm going to close up this journal. I'll still be here, in heaven, watching, it's just that.. well, this was the place for me to rant, and work through all the pain. Now, I've been there, done that, and it's time. So thanks to all of those who read out there, and thanks especially to

grams and

chris_perry- I'll still be here, if you need me for anything.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm off to read some Forever Knight fanfic and spend the rest of my afterlife as happily ever after as it gets.

4 Orbs Thrown|Throw an Orb

Shades of Gold displayed naturally

[Jul. 15th, 2003|11:11 pm]

[	Feelings, whoa whoa whoa:	\|	peaceful	]
[	Current Music	\|	311- Amber	]

Wow. So I've been with the un-postiness for awhile. Sorry about that. Just been busy doing stuff- I've decided to finally sit down and read some books that I've always wanted to get through. One of my more "out there" students once suggested Daniel Quinn's "The Story of B", during my first year of teacher. Wow. Let me just say that there is some heavy reading there, and it really, really makes you want to sit back and think. Makes some valid points about the rise and fall of man, civilization, and the fate of man. Incredible book, and if you have a week to kill- it's not very long, but you have to take it in sittings- I suggest this one.

In other news, I went down to check on them the other night. They all seem to be adjusting well- even him. My visits have been less and less frequent, because I'm happier up here, away from him, where I can distract myself from the hole he left when I was pulled away. But I know it's okay. That's what's great about up here. Once you let it go, the peacefulness just washes over you, like waves. So I've started to let go. And surprisingly enough, I'm happy about it.

Sorry, Prue, Chris, I've been so distant. I hope you understand. I'm here now, if you guys need anything at all, okay?

[Jul. 1st, 2003|01:14 pm]

[	Feelings, whoa whoa whoa:	\|	shocked	]
[	Current Music	\|	Nelly Furtado- Shit on the Radio	]

I cannot believe this. Morrigan, who I'd started to trust, even after what happened when I was Rebecca, she... she betrayed everyone. Cole, the Charmed Ones, and most importantly, Prue. Chris is organizing actions against Morrigan, but I don't know if Prue can get through this. She's had such a tough time already. This is the last thing she needs. The Source is out, and why do I suddenly feel like Good just got Screwed?

That bitch. If there was anything I could do, I'd go down there and kick her ass myself, if I could. But the dead can't fight. Only watch.

Chris, if you need any help with anything, spells looked up or whatnot, I'm here, and so is the resources of my Clan. In the meantime, I'll be at Prue's.

21 Orbs Thrown|Throw an Orb

[Jun. 25th, 2003|10:43 pm]

[	Feelings, whoa whoa whoa:	\|	determined	]
[	Current Music	\|	Heart- Barracuda	]

So, Prue came over for a movie and some small amounts of Bailey's last night. I'd just like to clarify that nothing happened. At all. To make sure of this, we videotaped ourselves so if we did get drunk, we would have a reference. And we did not. Do anything.

Even if we did, I wouldn't tell

1 Orb Thrown|Throw an Orb

[Jun. 24th, 2003|11:19 pm]

[	Feelings, whoa whoa whoa:	\|	curious	]
[	Current Music	\|	Aqua- Barbie Girl	]

( Well, well, well )

I don't remember that many people that I've shagged ~~and still talk to.~~ Funny.

Prue, help me out with this.

13 Orbs Thrown|Throw an Orb

I feel like a Corona Commercial.

[Jun. 21st, 2003|03:55 pm]

[	Feelings, whoa whoa whoa:	\|	blah	]
[	Current Music	\|	Jets to Brazil- Further North mixing with the Ocean	]

Finally. A day to myself. Goddess, it's been crazy- every time I turn around, more work, less fun. I used to think this was a good thing, you know, busier I am, less time to angst, but now? Now i'm just tired. I just wanna lay down and take a long nap. I've got my laptop, lying in a hammock (It's nice here, you can make an illusion of comfort to feel so much more at home- this is why I'm on a hammock on the "beach". Again, a nice illusion created for us by those With Much Greater Power, but it looks, sounds, smells, feels real. And right now, that's as close as I'm going to get.) Of course, I'm doing some programming to get myself to sleep, it's incredibly soothing. (Actually, I'm browsing the Net for Forever Knight fanfic. But shhh... none of you all ever heard that.) I know I should go call Prue- she and I have both been busy lately. I wish I could talk to her, but every time I try to talk, nothing really comes out. Then, when I really do want to talk, I can't.

Yeah, I feel a little cut off. Isolated, and I could have helped that by finding any of them today and inviting them over here. But Prue's got her family, Andy, and Morrigan, and I don't want to intrude on that. Besides, I don't know how much I'd have to say.

Better I go try to find some fics about my slightly dorky and old school obsession and chill here with an iced tea. Maybe get some sleep, just veg and let the waves calm me down.

Yeah. That would be good.

1 Orb Thrown|Throw an Orb

[Jun. 13th, 2003|03:39 pm]

[	Feelings, whoa whoa whoa:	\|	chipper	]
[	Current Music	\|	TATu- Malchik Gay	]

Everything is starting to calm down, I think. Prue is doing a lot better, though she still has a long way to go. Nikki, Joyce and I have been keeping her busy- thank the Lady for those girls. I've been neglecting my group of friends up here because of all of my responsiblities. And it's a really sad thing, I'm starting to understand why Uncle and the others always acted like I had a stick up their asses. But it's Friday night, and I'm not about to become the type who has all work and no play.

Girls? Any of you all feel like doing anything tonight? I'm in the mood for some fun.

2 Orbs Thrown|Throw an Orb

[Jun. 11th, 2003|01:56 pm]

[	Feelings, whoa whoa whoa:	\|	happy	]
[	Current Music	\|	Daniel Bedingfield- Blown It Again	]

Prue is back. I feel so much better now, relief is washing over me like waves. I know she's not out of the woods yet, the battle's only going to be uphill from now on. I know that all of us forgive her for acting the way she did, and I understand why she used that spell, probably more than anyone. Prue just has to be able to forgive herself for this.

I told the rest of the Clan I won't be around today. Prue is coming over for some girl-talk and bonding and moping over cookie dough. they've been eating up so much of my time. The memorials are done, everyone's settling back in for mourning, but I'm still sorting through piles of clan business. Someone should be stepping up to take this job from me, I mean, if the other clans find out a woman is running all of this, I'll be in a shitload of trouble. In the mean time, I'm settling petty disputes and trying to get to Prue. Hopefully, now I'll have the time.

[Jun. 8th, 2003|06:01 pm]

[	Feelings, whoa whoa whoa:	\|	busy	]
[	Current Music	\|	Christina Aguilera- "Can't Hold Us Down"	]

Sorry I haven't posted. My clan has fallen into complete disorder, and since most of us left here are... well, not dealing well, I went straight from the spellcasting to organizing services, fixing up the clan order- all of the Elders of the Clans were killed, and there are very few people who know the inner workings. Luckily, Uncle and I grew closer since my death, and...

And I miss him. He didn't deserve to die. None of them did. And all this week, I've been running, nonstop, speaking at memorials, making sure everyone is reunited, trying to give some semblance of order (my people are very big on this.) Haven't even been able to sit down and think yet. Mourning has been out of the question, and I planned to spend today doing that. Unfortunately, I wasn't able to go to Prue, wanted to go see her... and then, I got

[Error: Irreparable invalid markup ('<a [...] livejournal.com/users/scoobymom/>') in entry. Owner must fix manually. Raw contents below.]

Sorry I haven't posted. My clan has fallen into complete disorder, and since most of us left here are... well, not dealing well, I went straight from the spellcasting to organizing services, fixing up the clan order- all of the Elders of the Clans were killed, and there are very few people who know the inner workings. Luckily, Uncle and I grew closer since my death, and...

And I miss him. He didn't deserve to die. None of them did. And all this week, I've been running, nonstop, speaking at memorials, making sure everyone is reunited, trying to give some semblance of order (my people are very big on this.) Haven't even been able to sit down and think yet. Mourning has been out of the question, and I planned to spend today doing that. Unfortunately, I wasn't able to go to <a href="http://www.livejournal.com/users/prue_p3">Prue</a>, wanted to go see her... and then, I got <a href= http://www. livejournal.com/users/scoobymom/>Joyce's</a> call. Prue... Prue... is evil.

I'm turning into the Clan Leader de facto and my best friend is evil. And I feel completely torn. My Clan needs me, desperately. But my best friend does, too. I need to find her. Maybe I can talk to her... we were closer, and I know what it feels like... I'm going to her. Now. I know my Clan needs me, I know, have respobility, am shirking said responsibility, but... screw them. Prue is more important than any of them.

30 Orbs Thrown|Throw an Orb

[Jun. 2nd, 2003|11:46 pm]

[	Feelings, whoa whoa whoa:	\|	powerful	]
[	Current Music	\|	Chanting	]

The circle is cast,
We are Between the Worlds.
Beyond the bounds of time,
Joy and saddness
Where Birth, death and rebirth,
Meet as one.

Together with our sisters, we join our strength as one
With these cords we bind ourselves together
I offer my strength as an anchor
For Janna
For Joyce
For Nikki
For Tara
For Cassie
For Molly
And Prudence
Together as one we stand together
Our strengths now multiplied

Gypsy magic cannot be confined ... like the road itself it wanders freely.
No borders can hold it ... no gates may stand against it. It is the power of the tribe. The power of the people deciding to act as one.
It is the singing of our blood, the stamping of our feet, the clapping of our hands, the wail of our voices raised to the stars.
No one may chain us. No one may use us. No one may tell us where we may or may not go.

I call upon the essence of nature -
Hail to the Guardians of the East
their powers of air and invention.
Hail to the Guardians of the South
their powers of fire and healing.
Hail to the Guardians of the West
their powers of water and intuition.
Hail to the Guardians of North
your powers of mother and earth.
Give us your strength, imbue us with your powers
We come to you now, the battle is ours.

Melinda, Charolette,Brianna
Prudence, Penelope, Patricia,
Astrid, Helena, Laura and Grace,
Halliwell witches stand strong beside us!
For those that are here standing with us
We refuse to cower from our fears
Grant to us your strength and wisdom
Allow us to bring our lost souls home.

[Jun. 2nd, 2003|05:38 pm]

[	Feelings, whoa whoa whoa:	\|	determined	]
[	Current Music	\|	Christophe Beck- Restless Suite	]

It's silent here. There is no wind to blow in Heaven, but I feel the Goddess's prescence. I feel their prescence through her. They are coming. Prue, Joyce, Grams, Molly, they're all coming to join me. We won't fall. We're stronger than them, we're on our own territory. Besides, they may be a small army of demons, but we've got a Slayer, a Potential, a Mystic, four Kick Ass Witches, and a pissed off Mom with an axe. We're gonna win. The Goddess, magicks, flow through me older than time. I reach out and grab Prue's hand, not for courage or strength, but just for that comforting feeling.

Girls?

Let's get this bitch started.

9 Orbs Thrown|Throw an Orb

[Jun. 1st, 2003|09:27 pm]

[	Feelings, whoa whoa whoa:	\|	calm	]
[	Current Music	\|	Sarah McLachlan- Prayer of St. Francis	]

It's been a long time since I've felt like this. The loss of life never really bothered me after awhile. I mean, to a degree, it did, but at least you knew they were still living through their souls. But now, I don't even have any of that. Half my clan members are gone. Forever. There's no way to get any of them back, they're Xed out of oblivion. A lot of us here are...

We've lost so many. Millions? Billions? Who knows. That attack, they sent down... too many. My clan is decimated. We're helpless, the Clan Elders are dead. Gone. I hate them, or hated. or thought... Uncle, too. Uncle went down, because they made him, and...

The demons are drawing closer. I know, I feel them now. I haven't gone home, haven't left the gate. Uncle told me not to. Whilst the others went to mourn... I am a Gypsy. A witch. The power that flows through my veins is centuries old, descended from the Clan Mother Xenia. This power was given to me to protect. To help. It's what I did alive. It's what I'm doing now. I'm going to stand by these doors, to this Great Hall which houses the lines of the Cords of all of us, and I will fight until I'm finally Xed too. Or until we win.

Am I scared? Yes. Yes, I'm scared that I might fail, and that all of these souls here, lost and alone, shaken, mourning, might all be taken, too. That Prue, Grams, and everyone might be the cost of my failure.

And somewhere in there, I have to ask, if being Xed would be so bad. After all, I'm not happy here. That chance for fat grandchildren was lost, and yes, I'm a little bitter. Can't exactly blame me. But feeling nothing... not even being... wouldn't that be peaceful, in it's own lack of being way? But it doesn't really concern me. If I go, I go. If not, then I don't. I always admired Buffy for protecting us down there, sacrificing her own life for her friends on the night the Master rose (however temporary that was.) And she taught me something, something I didn't learn in time. If you love someone, protect them with all of your heart and soul.

If any of you guys need me, I'll be right here by these doors. I'm not moving.

2 Orbs Thrown|Throw an Orb

[May. 29th, 2003|08:52 pm]

[	Feelings, whoa whoa whoa:	\|	numb	]
[	Current Music	\|	Cries of mourning	]

They're all gone. All of them. The entire army that went down. Half my clan.

Gone.

We were asked to watch the door that leads to the Room of the Souls.

We saw it all. Watched. Heard their screams as they blinked out of existence...

Uncle and I were right. They wanted us to come down there. We walked into a trap.

Now, we're weaker than ever.

And they're...

Gone.

That did not go so well.

[May. 28th, 2003|05:40 pm]

[	Feelings, whoa whoa whoa:	\|	aggravated	]
[	Current Music	\|	REM- It's the End of the World as we know it...	]

Uncle and I just came back from the meeting. To put it mildly, it did not go over so well, especially that Uncle brought a woman to speak. (Damn Gypsy patriarchal values...) And when that woman had an opinion different from the rest of the Clans, geez, you'd think I'd grown a third head. (Then again, I am known as the one who advocated for the rights of the vampire who later killed me. Call me a liberal.) But anyways, Uncle and I presented our case to the rest of the clan, who would then take it to the rest of the council here, which has been formed to decide what actions we should take against the threat. We simply pointed out that we didn't know enough to plan the best action against this.

( Well, this is what happened next. )

And so, it begins. I'm going to go tell Prue and Grams the news.

2 Orbs Thrown|Throw an Orb

[May. 28th, 2003|02:37 pm]

[

Feelings, whoa whoa whoa:

|

distressed

]

As if it hadn't gotten any worse, Uncle came by and told me that the spies returned. A spy. The others...

They're cutting the cords. I was right... and I don't know how to break this to Prue, but, there are hostages, that is, some of the missing souls are. There's a demon army gathering, and it looks like war. Uncle is asking me to come along with him to the meeting of the Clans so we can decide what to do, since he and I both agree. The rest of Heaven is calling for blood, but... All we know is that they're a group of demons, and that they can gain access to the cords and destroy them. Which means dangerous. If we send down a troop, or an army, even, we're asking for it. Unfortunately, once word got out that there were hostages... Very few people seem to agree with me. Hopefully, Uncle and I can convince the rest of the clans to vote down the war.

A miracle would be nice right now.

2 Orbs Thrown|Throw an Orb

[May. 27th, 2003|08:00 pm]

[	Feelings, whoa whoa whoa:	\|	scared	]
[	Current Music	\|	The drone of my relatives keeping vigil for the lost.	]

So the Spirits all met last night, and decided to send down some spies to see what's going on. Scary, because usually, we *know* what's going on. Always. It's like a rule. But not even the Elders have a clue about what's going on. And Patty and Andy have gone missing, also. Prue is a mess, I think I'm going to go stay with her until we hear back from the spies. At least she's safe, though. The Elders have forbidden anymore astral traveling, visiting, or searching, since so many have gone...

Uncle and I have been talking about this, he seems to agree with my thoery on the Binding Cords. For those of you who aren't familiar, a binding cord is like the "umbilical cord" that connects you to your body during astral projection. These cords bind us to Heaven, keep our souls anchored and safe. However, just like in AP, if the cord is cut... you're... well, if you all have ever read Madeleine L'Engle's "A Wind in the Door", you'll understand what I mean when I say you're "Xed". There is nothing of you left. No soul. No spirit. You're not in any spiritual plane. You're... Xed.

If this is true, what spirits are lost are... in very big trouble. And if there's something out there preying...

I just hope to the Lady that Uncle and I are wrong.

[May. 26th, 2003|07:34 pm]

[	Feelings, whoa whoa whoa:	\|	worried	]
[	Current Music	\|	Evanescence- Solitude	]

Okay, so I've been checking out on these Missing Persons cases. It does not look good, my friends. So far, 25 souls have been "lost" each hour. That's a helluva lot, and no one, fucking NO ONE can find them. Aunt Kriztina went out looking for Mikal last night- now they're both gone. I've always had a strong connection with clan members, and the fact that none of us can even sense members of our own clan? I hate to say it, but this is a Very Bad Thing. It's almost like...their Binding Cords have been cut. I hate to say it. I really do. It makes me shiver, just thinking that something out there is preying on these things. I pray to the Goddess that this is completely wrong. If this is the case, though...

This plane is already vulnerable, what with the Elders gone and the magickal waves from the Hellmouth's demise rocking the planes, it leaves us open to attack. Very vulnerable. Too vulnerable, if you ask me. And we're panicking up here. As search parties go out, they vanish, too. It's gotten to the point where there's a meeting tonight at the Centre Plane. The desicion will be made on what to do there. I'm going, and I'm sure the rest of the girls are going. I'm so worried though. While members of my clan are strong in their magicks, Mikal was not, and Kriztina...

If something like this could snatch one of our Clan Elders without a hitch, (and especially a soul, our powers seem to accelerate as a Spirit. Guess it's because we're more tapped into our line.) then I really am worried. I just hope the Elders have some sort of plan.

Maybe I should find Prue.

5 Orbs Thrown|Throw an Orb

[May. 26th, 2003|12:34 am]

[	Feelings, whoa whoa whoa:	\|	worried	]
[	Current Music	\|	Angie Hart- Blue	]

So, I've been lying in my hammock all day, sipping Long Island Iced Tea, and reading some good, old-fashioned ~~Harlequin romance/smut~~ Very Intelligent Reading Material when I suddenly felt... pain. Dizzy. Like something had hit me, and I know nothing did. I mean, there was no one else around. So I start to get this Very. Bad. Feeling in my stomach, but I ignore it, because I was getting into the ~~bad porn~~ good part, and I just ate some more chips.

(Btw, Lime Tositios? Choice.)

Anyways, I just head back inside and I found Marin waiting for me. Jeff, her husband, had headed down to check up on their son, and he hadn't returned. Apparently, he's not the only one missing. There are a bunch of them, and the numbers keep growing. Amilia is lost after seeking out Joe. Luke? Vanished without a trace. And the scary thing is? We can't feel them. Sense them. There is... nothing.

I suddenly have a very bad feeling about all of this.

2 Orbs Thrown|Throw an Orb

Getting ready to relax

[May. 25th, 2003|01:27 pm]

[	Feelings, whoa whoa whoa:	\|	relaxed	]
[	Current Music	\|	Ghost of the Robot- Valerie	]

All's quiet up here. Tara has returned from ~~stalking~~ watching Willow, Prue has gone on vacation with her sisters three, Nikki is throwing a barbeque and Joyce is trying to get down to her daughters. All in all, not too much choas- and I'm glad. After the last month, I really, really need a break from the nail-biting, and so I'm going to sleep. Hang out with Nikki and the girls. Sleep. Possibly get very, very drunk. And maybe send myself down to Cancun. After all, I deserve a tan. At least.

Nikki? Cassie? Molly? Tara? You girls give me a ring and we'll come up with some fun, okay?

[May. 21st, 2003|05:16 pm]

[	Feelings, whoa whoa whoa:	\|	numb	]
[	Current Music	\|	Sarah McLachlan- "Full of Grace"	]

I look down around the town I called home for two years, and I see nothing but dust and a giant crater. I look to my former lover and his family, and I see jubilance, victory, pride, and... sadness. Xander, my heart goes out to you, for your loss. Si Ts and Dawn- Amanda and Soo will be taken care of by us, I promise. Buffy- If I find Spike, I'll keep my eye on him. I'm very proud of all of you. Especially you, Willow. For over a year now, you doubted and feared your power, when in reality, it was the greatest gift you had ever been given. I knew you would one day realize that your power isn't evil, or darkness, it is good, pure good, and you are amazing. And Rupert... you led her through the toughest battle, an impossible battle. She is a well-trained warrior and an amazing woman- you should be proud. I'm proud of you, you've stopped being the Watcher and joined in the fight, right by your Slayer.

May the Goddess watch over all of you. I know I won't ever stop.

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